04-10-2014, 07:35 PM
(04-10-2014, 07:16 PM)Leanne Wrote: Marianne, to be honest, the idea of cannibalism just comes from the fact that fresh meat has left the building and if she were a little more demonic she might have found a way to turn this mooncalf into a meal on wheels... but that's just my reading, although of course the last stanza does make her sound more than a little disturbed.
I could sort out your meter if you don't mind me rewriting a good portion of those lines -- it's less about counting syllables and more about keeping your stresses regular. Also, it wouldn't hurt to get rid of some twisted syntax like "some conversation make" -- rhymes should really seem as natural as possible. If you're amenable I'm happy to play with this on the weekend.
BTW, I'm on the Gold Coast. Not a native Queenslander, which is why I can speak clearly
Well G'day fellow Aussie - thought most people here would be yankees I'm in the Southwest of WA where all the good wine comes from... pity i don't drink...
I'd be honoured if you'd have a go at this one for me, the other posters have given me some ideas but I'm still a bit clueless... especially about meter I'm working on an edit which I'll post when its done.
Thanks for the kind offer and I look forward to reading it when its done.