04-09-2014, 01:05 AM
It's raw, and real, and if it seems frantic, it's probably because the writer feels frantic. Isn't that the point of the written art? To convey to the reader the state of the writer. The imagery isn't what was important, the writer has no time to absorb the details, too busy being pushed by the clock and expectations, and trying to sort out which expectations belong to who; why and what and who chasing him through the movement of each day... Some of the structure could use a little tweaking, great first poem, you did what a writer is suppose to do, you brought where I was, to where you are. If you feel you like this poetry/writing biz, and you wanna practice your imagery: take a day off, away from friends, girlfriends, homework, cell phones and parents. Get a notebook and pen (whatever you prefer to write with) go to the park and BREATHE. Write if you feel like writing: whatever, however. Critics always got something to say, nothings ever perfect, but keep in mind that just because someone says it, don't mean it ain't true... does't mean it is true either lol... keep searchin', whatever the answer is will wait long enough for you to breathe.
...I think it's safe to blame it on the high probability, that I am utterly insane...