Babbling Old Fool

[Thoughtjotter]

Are there no disciples of the babbling old fool,A jaunty but enigmatic opener. Always good start with a secret...who he? Will we find out? We shall see.
with the erudition of an accredited school? Slight disconnect as I am uncertain, though you may say this is pedantic, to whom your refer...the disciples or the BOF. Is it possible that the BOF is erudite? Seems unreasonable. Or are you asking for disciples with accreditation? Then why? Hmmm.
Self assured of his intellectual mind, Aren't we all so blessed? Did you mean intellectual or academic?
why are these believers so hard to find? Why are they believers. You are ahead of your reader. What are you struggling to say? It is now unclear, clearly

His profound thoughts could not be kept to himself, Why? But semicolon here regardless.
should such brilliance gather dust on the shelf?metaphorically buggered up...and cliched to boot. Not a good line. It is wanting.
He babbles aloud to anyone within range, Six inches too long. Meter muxed ip. One too many babbles
any marvelous phrase that he could arrange. Because you chose the form you are stuttering out his, he, him's in laborious and frankly unavoidable procession. There is no quick cure.

Never demanding to be understood,
Sharing his gift could only be good.
Those who know him can always expect,
There is no subject in which he can not reflect. This last stanza is pointlessly added on. It simply wanders about repeating what has already been said whilst actually it is too embarrassed to ask where the exit is. I can tell you. Straight on at the end of the previous stanza. Oh, who he?

I can see some pique in this but for the life of me I cannot see purpose. It just says "There goes a smart arse and nobody likes him". Is that it? Needs more rage and more reason for rage. It comes across as a littany against an unnamed competitor or genre. You do stick largely with the meter and that is refreshing, but as often is the case you then do not put in the effort needed to avoid simplistic forced rhymes. One last point, and I should ask this more often...why do you randomly capitalise new lines?
Best,
tectak

The BOF has much to learn. This was a sarcastic write to himself one evening after his attempt to read his latest masterpiece to family members. By the time he had cleared his throat the room had cleared and The BOF was all alone. Now, here he sits, eager to learn and very appreciative for every bit of profound erudition(found this word by accident) offered by all of you. As far as the punctuation, Capitalization and the rest is concerned, I need all the help I can get.
I will begin with an edit from your feedback, at least to the point of my limited dust covered brilliance allows.
Thank You,
R.T.

---

Hey thanks, a poem for me. Not metered, but I'll take accentual verse any day. "There is no subject in which he can not reflect." Well that's not true,. most of the sciences I have little knowledge of, I'm not really up on the Egyptian civilization.

His profound thoughts could not be kept to himself,
should such brilliance gather dust on the shelf?

Well probably, but you get what you pay for. Brilliance I take exception to, genius, visionary, or per-cognitive I can go with. I do love so much those who criticize one for having an education as being the a brainless babbler, and in the same breath want to know why you don't know more, or are more accurate in what they say.

Anyway, to the poem. A four foot line (provisionally), ending in rhyming couplets. The rhymes seem unforced, "range" and "arrange" shows cleverness if not imagination.

Line five is tad long.

In line six if one reads "should" as unstressed (as is usual), then the line is short one stress.

As to the content, the tone is slightly strident. Generally it is better to strive for an even handed approach, so the piece does not devolve into a rant, or worse yet preaching. To do so undercuts your credibility with your readers, making you seem more like what you are trying to impune than the thing itself.


In line two, I think a better word choice would be refinement, or even cultivation instead of erudition, as it gives it a satirical bite. I am assuming that satire is what you are going for. Since good satire can generally be read two ways, straight, and of course satirical, it has that keen edge to it that keeps anyone from accusing the writer of attacking another. This shows its hand somewhat, so maybe more sarcasm than satire. I would suggest you lean more to the satirical, as sarcasm is, on the whole, crude and inelegant, and such will general not bring any to your side who are not already there. Yes, the sharp stinging blade from behind hurts much more than the battering ram from in front, as it makes the person feel the fool for being taken unawares. Well must stop now, need to go take my pills for babbling, crankiness, idiocy, and ...what's that last one...oh yes, forgetfulness


Best


dale

Thank You Sir, for your time and knowledge. I will make every effort to replace sarcasm with satire. I have no idea why I am attracted to this form of writing other than the fun.
Looking forward to many more educational moments,
Thanks again,
R.T.