I Wished I Was The Water -edited

[kindofahippy]

The Shower

How I watched you in the shower
All my lovesick thoughts untold
And I wished I was the water
That so wetly, warmly flowed

And beaded on your shining skin
As if by pure attraction;
As if to thus caress you gave As if to caress you thus gave... the water satisfaction

This change would offer a good logical connection without breaking the rhythm.

The water satisfaction.

I thought of Zeus as golden rain
O’er lonely Danae streaming
As rivulets of water left
Your body wet and gleaming

And pondered on which lucky drop
I should most like to be
And whereabouts on you to cling
If it were up to me...

I can think of several good answers. Great work with the meter, the syllables all match up to a T. It's a nice poem, just a little is all.