04-07-2014, 05:21 AM
Pretty sure "ignite's" doesn't need to be possessive, and as WJames points out "tar'd" makes no sense. I would only make sense it this were in a meter and you need to create a one syllable contraction from a two syllable word. It seemed to me you probably read some poetry, but failed to comprehend why the device was used and inserted it here because it looked like poetry. I interpret this as a kind of "Wind beneath my Wings" tribute, although I would say that is far from obvious. There is a person or thing that advises you of the truth and keeps you from making a fool of your self, thus you hate her/it at times because you are prevented from sating your baser desires, but grateful on retrospect that her/it have kept you from making a fool of yourself, or worse. At some points it appears you are addressing your own consciousness, at other times it appears you are addressing an external entity, a girl, a lover, etc.
The down side to this is that is extremely unclear, and to a large degree senseless. Tarred I can understand as something that sticks to you that you can't get rid of, but "You sickening, black tar'd beast."
Tar is black,
this is true,
I know this,
so do you!
Not only do you take aspects of yourself and project them externally, but they are also anthropomorphized. Such convolution benefits no one, especially the poem.
Because this is so overly convoluted the reader is at a lost to identify to whom you speak, unless it is actually to your own mind you speak, which implies narcissistic self-absorption. I don't think that is it, but with what we have here it is one of the possibilities.
However, it is not my job as the reader to pick one of the above and assemble my own poem. I say this so often I get tired of having to state it, but the job of a poet is not to make what is clear obscure, but to make what is obscure clear.
Best,
Dale
The down side to this is that is extremely unclear, and to a large degree senseless. Tarred I can understand as something that sticks to you that you can't get rid of, but "You sickening, black tar'd beast."
Tar is black,
this is true,
I know this,
so do you!
Not only do you take aspects of yourself and project them externally, but they are also anthropomorphized. Such convolution benefits no one, especially the poem.
Because this is so overly convoluted the reader is at a lost to identify to whom you speak, unless it is actually to your own mind you speak, which implies narcissistic self-absorption. I don't think that is it, but with what we have here it is one of the possibilities.
However, it is not my job as the reader to pick one of the above and assemble my own poem. I say this so often I get tired of having to state it, but the job of a poet is not to make what is clear obscure, but to make what is obscure clear.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.