04-06-2014, 08:11 PM
the last line fucked the poem up mainly because it went through the paper bag of cheesy/cliche and came out the other side as why fuckin' bother 
end rhymes worked except the last one. i think embrace should be embraces on the 8th line. it has some potential. for me beautiful is implied chest is a suggestion instead of heart and stretched instead of stitched. just suggestions is all. i get the lies aspect
end rhymes worked except the last one. i think embrace should be embraces on the 8th line. it has some potential. for me beautiful is implied chest is a suggestion instead of heart and stretched instead of stitched. just suggestions is all. i get the lies aspect