04-05-2014, 08:47 PM
There was once a young childish man
Who loved science and got dirty hands.
Until he met this lady,
Elegant, pretty, a little nerdy.
All he wishes for are her hands. -1skylande1
hello.
I don't think a limerick is an ideal form for a love poem - unless that love is funny or bawdy which in this case it isn't.
So what if he's young, childish, dirty-handed, and so what if she's elegant, pretty, a little nerdy - none of this contribute to the conclusion - that he (presumably) wants her hand (not hands) in marriage. This is all just fluffy filler.
A limerick should have a good rhythm - you should be able to sing it, yours has an uneven meter. Meter takes time to learn and master - but it's essential in a limerick.
Your rhyming is a bit off - and the repetition of hands weakens the poem.
If you want to write a poem about a serious love, a form usually reserved for humor is not the ideal one to choose. Perhaps you should be trying to write sonnets instead.
However, all that aside its not bad for a second attempt at the form. Try reading as many limericks as you can, and say/sing them aloud to get a feel for the meter.
Keep at it!
Who loved science and got dirty hands.
Until he met this lady,
Elegant, pretty, a little nerdy.
All he wishes for are her hands. -1skylande1
hello.
I don't think a limerick is an ideal form for a love poem - unless that love is funny or bawdy which in this case it isn't.
So what if he's young, childish, dirty-handed, and so what if she's elegant, pretty, a little nerdy - none of this contribute to the conclusion - that he (presumably) wants her hand (not hands) in marriage. This is all just fluffy filler.
A limerick should have a good rhythm - you should be able to sing it, yours has an uneven meter. Meter takes time to learn and master - but it's essential in a limerick.
Your rhyming is a bit off - and the repetition of hands weakens the poem.
If you want to write a poem about a serious love, a form usually reserved for humor is not the ideal one to choose. Perhaps you should be trying to write sonnets instead.
However, all that aside its not bad for a second attempt at the form. Try reading as many limericks as you can, and say/sing them aloud to get a feel for the meter.
Keep at it!