The Demigod of Death (Moved) Graphic Violence within

[tectak]

A mod please delete the previous version in the mild critique forum, I think it makes more sense here as I AM a novice.
Anyway,

My fourth poem ever, I clapped the rhythm again, and I think it helped me get another good metre going.

The Demigod of Death

I slyly emerge, It's so deceivingly devious,
You fall for the Trojan, and that mistake is your first,
One friend is my knife, and he will stab with obedience,
My acquaintance is Hades and we will each take a turn!

I am partly a human; a demon’s living inside,
Lucifer can’t even comprehend my contriving!
I plan it so meticulous, your ligaments sliced,
So exact with X acto's, your throat so fragile for dicing!

Let me describe what I do, if you can bear the synopsis,
See, the moon brings my movement, become a shadowy figure,
In your view I am looming, I have no care for your comments,
From the darkness arisen, in my position I’ll injure!

I am the scariest and, don’t go preparing a plan,
'Cause I am the Shepard and you’re barely a lamb!

Hi loq,
It would be unfair not to dig in to this piece now that the first ploughing has turned over the topsoil. That is a metaphor, you would do better in your poetry to try to establish some central metaphorical core and weave your ( a mixed metaphor) fabric around it. As it is, and I hear but do not believe you, you are struggling for meter in this video game mish mash. If it WERE the case you could reword Hiawatha and learn more.
The real issue is misunderstanding.You cannot write good poetry based upon a single attribute. Everything depends on everything else. Erthona gives sound advice.
Read more poetry but read it outloud. If you stumble examine why. Have you accentuated the wrong syllable? Have you mispronounced a word...or pronounced it in a different way to that intended? Have you matched your trocchees and iambs?Then read your OWN work outloud. Forget the technical terms...they were only created to easily and understandably describe what already existed in language....not the other way round, as you could be forgiven for thinking.
Your ambition is laudable but the best poets are honest to themselves first. The rest will follow on.
Best,
tectak