Morag at the Store Edit 1.0 erthona, true, et al

[tectak]

Tom,

This is mostly in trochee tetrameter...mostly. Such a simple meter to stick with. I can answer the question about the inversion. It occurs because you move into iambs, which are not natural to English syntactically, but were foisted upon by the hated Normans, thus the same problem exists in sonnets (Unless of course your Leanne, who never seems to have trouble with it).

All of the following lines are awkward, if not painful, and should be corrected forthwith, and put into correct form.

"she naked flies the ruby sundown,
carried west on Eagle's wings;
but wears for him a silken bedgown,
best he not see her private things."

"but on the the shelf she stays a'scheming
and on the shelf Morag will stay."
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To the content:

"she naked flies the ruby sundown,
carried west on Eagle's wings;"

How does one fly the "ruby sundown" (or are they naked flies?), and if one is flying said sundown, why does one need conveyance on "Eagle's wings"?
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Really Tom, since morag stays in the store all of this must occur in her head. I don't know what this is about but lines like

"Morag moves among her mountains
musing in the dark back store."


certainly do more to obscure than enlighten. The only Morag I've heard of is the beastie, which lives not far from the Munroes, but she lives in the Loch, not in a "dark back store" whatever the hell that is.

No, too many clues to be just a girl named Morag who hides from people and lives mostly in her head.


Dale

Hi Dale, 
Good catches spurrrrrrred me to other changes. Morag exists...but I have used her as a muse for many poems and short stories. I involve her in  intriguing circumstances and can still see her in the (unnamed) village store 40 years ago. Names change to protect the innocent regularly. 
The "dark, back store" was an outlet for wholesale clients who ran small b and b's,  hotels and in one case another store...it was just that. A dark, back store...unlit.
And of course, she lived in her head. There is innuendo but no obscurity. I don't do obscure....er...often.
Best and thanks,
tectak