Begin not the Beguine

[Erthona]

Chris,

Yeah, Tom likes to come back and bite me with my own teeth

Thanks for the suggestions. Yeah, it is kind of a slow start. I don't think removing "so" completely, but moving it to the beginning of the last line and dropping the comma could be used to better effect. Yeah, the uncertainty break is bad, but sometimes I can't resist the cheese. The truth is I've no idea what " Hemingway sharp edges" is. It made sense when I wrote it, so I guess I'll keep it. Yeah "sin" doesn't have a lot of synonyms that work in either spot. I know what you're saying, and would probably give the same advice, but there is something compelling about the almost same statement twice.

uncertainty is now the greatest sin, the Beguine cannot begin.

surely it’s a mortal sin, the Beguine will not begin.

See, it is saying two different things. In the first "uncertainty" is the sin, and as a result the Beguine cannot begin, because "uncertainty" is risky, and we live in a risk adverse society.

But in the second it is the dance itself that is a sin, because it represents freedom, and freedom also is risky. I think that is where the "Hemingway" thing comes in, as he was not afraid to take risks, he confronted fear, he did not try and bubble wrap it.

So anyway, those are some of my thoughts on this, and some of my rationales. If you have some further thoughts I'd be happy to hear them.

Thanks,

dale