Begin not the Beguine

[ChristopherSea]

.

Yes, I suppose I could write a poem,
about the minutia of my life,
it’s all been better said before,
in monotones of black and white.
Writing in tomes of reminiscence,
where there’s no room for mushy gray,
where only Hemmingway sharp edges,
are docked, not floating in the bay.
Yet should a storm arise, things then
most surely would be tossed about,
making it seem so uncertain,
how the ending would come out.
But we can’t have that, for uncer-
tainty is now the greatest sin,
and always padded for our safety,
the Beguine cannot begin.
I’ve heard from profane sources that
it’s still danced in Martinique,
under pretense of sweaty sex,
though it’s the dance they seek!
Listen, and I’ll tell you true,
for surely it’s a mortal sin,
they take your freedom from you so,
the Beguine will not begin.

Dale, I like the play on the Cole Porter song in your title. However, Tom is going to ‘contend you’ (or not) on the reversal within it. Beguine has a rich image of Caribbean dance and the female body, subsequently I like the theme.

Black and white are monotones (maybe another comma for ‘of’). Would, ‘it’s been said better before’ run smoother? ‘Mushy’ gray sounds a little wishy-washy, ‘murky’ maybe. Hemingway sharp edges are intriguing, although I am not sure what exactly is meant. I see the commas guiding the reader, but couldn’t alternate line breaks serve as your caesura in some cases? The break in the middle of uncertainty is odd, but interesting. Choosing that hyphenation may actually play to the word’s definition. The reference to sin twice may be redundant. The same goes for using 'the beguine will not begin' twice. The close may be stronger removing 'so' and ending with a full stop after you, thereby allowing the last line stand alone. A question for you: Will it ever begin? If not, 'never' could be stronger and eliminate the repeat. See what you think.

I sure a lot of these suggestions will have effect your meter, but hopefully some of these observations may help you with your next edit. Good luck with it, cheers./Chris