03-29-2014, 01:59 PM
This is nice ballad meter, but you need to stick with the same voice in S3.
You start here 1st person, but do not stay with it in L3: Should read "To grow a rose upon my cheek"
"A spirit I could hold in hand
A goading cup of sun
To grow a rose upon a cheek
And make my body run."
Plus that last line seems somewhat nonsensical and mainly for the rhyme. What does "And make my body run" mean? Is it a colloquialism?
Dale
You start here 1st person, but do not stay with it in L3: Should read "To grow a rose upon my cheek"
"A spirit I could hold in hand
A goading cup of sun
To grow a rose upon a cheek
And make my body run."
Plus that last line seems somewhat nonsensical and mainly for the rhyme. What does "And make my body run" mean? Is it a colloquialism?
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.