No pity for the weak.

[Erthona]

I think you could do without

"Raising up from the body I look down and see,
The man whom I despise, the man I killed... It was me.."

It was pretty obvious about half way through that the speaker was talking about himself, it's certainly obvious before these two last lines.

I agree with what everyone has said about the rhymes, no need to recap.

I think it would benefit the poem to stay in present tense, it would give it a greater sense of immediacy, which strengthens the emotional connection to the reader.

"Where does this hate come from,
I really can't say...
but it is real,
growing everyday."

"After the shot,
no more pain,
no more tears,
I feel completely free.
For the first time in my life
my soul is at ease."

Best,

Dale