03-28-2014, 08:10 AM
Hello Chris, my first thought was that a lot of the poem could be cut.
The observations about Mona lisa, V- man, Monroe, and Taylor were a distraction for me, as were the people, painting and v-man himself.
The use of "muddle" for the collection of "body bags" did not work for me, but the idea behind why you have the body bags is great.
The whole of V6 did not work for me, It just does not seem to fit with the rest.
I am still thinking on the last verse, I like the "cavern resonating with the shed.
Regards. JG
The observations about Mona lisa, V- man, Monroe, and Taylor were a distraction for me, as were the people, painting and v-man himself.
The use of "muddle" for the collection of "body bags" did not work for me, but the idea behind why you have the body bags is great.
The whole of V6 did not work for me, It just does not seem to fit with the rest.
I am still thinking on the last verse, I like the "cavern resonating with the shed.
Regards. JG