03-25-2010, 04:01 PM
first off jd, whe you do an edit, try and leave the original poem up for comparison.
now to the treachery
big big improvement for me.
for me an odd cliche can be okay. once it gets over two then they all need to go. as it is, for me the winter moon works okay.
larry made a good point about little on line 3 of the second stanza. we can take a guess that it wont be bigger than a heart lol. so what other kind of treasure chests are there.
anyway as i say, for me a good all round improvement.
now to the treachery
big big improvement for me.
for me an odd cliche can be okay. once it gets over two then they all need to go. as it is, for me the winter moon works okay.
larry made a good point about little on line 3 of the second stanza. we can take a guess that it wont be bigger than a heart lol. so what other kind of treasure chests are there.
anyway as i say, for me a good all round improvement.