Vanitas

[71degrees]

Hello, 71 Degrees. I enjoyed your poem and the surreal feel to some of it.
The continuity from verse 2 to 3 threw me a bit (In v2 the narrator is "patiently explaining",
but in v3 " sits quietly", hope that makes sense).

There are 6 "the" in the first 8 lines of v2, one could be cut, and maybe 2.

The line " in a series of low tones" works well for the connotation of muted colours.

I liked the words below to describe your voice.

"my soft voice
almost a dutch mixture
of color, light, and texture"

Thank you. JG

All this makes sense. Yes, thanks.

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I like the wit in the poem. And the very gentle tone. The theme plays out beautifully.

If I have a nit pick it is in some of the line cuts. For me...

"how it is with
the early American furniture,
the skull,
the books,
the pulled blinds, and the picture of fruit,"

works better - partly from the visual aspect.

I spend more time exploring line breaks, rearranging, etc. then I do writing the poems. Your points here are well taken. Thanks.