03-25-2014, 05:08 AM
Personally I dislike mixing mythologies, unless there is an explanation. The closets thing to a demigod of death would be "Thánatos" which is from Greek mythology. "Lucifer" is from Christian mythology, first used as a name of a king of Babylon, by Isaiah, later associated with Satan in the books of Enoch, and of course most prominently in "Paradise Lost". Then this line,
"My acquaintance is Hades"
The speaker is buddies with the god of the underworld?
The bottom line for me here is it sounds more like you are describing butchering meat. In the last paragraph it sounds like bad comic book villain monologue.
"Let me describe what I do, if you can bear the synopsis,
See, the moon brings my movement, become a shadowy figure,
In your view I am looming, I have no care for your comments,
From the darkness arisen, in my position I’ll injure!"
If the goal of this was to be macabre then I think you failed.
The speaker says "Let me describe what I do" and then fails to do so.
About the only positive thing I can say is that the lines read fairly smooth.
Dale
"My acquaintance is Hades"
The speaker is buddies with the god of the underworld?
The bottom line for me here is it sounds more like you are describing butchering meat. In the last paragraph it sounds like bad comic book villain monologue.
"Let me describe what I do, if you can bear the synopsis,
See, the moon brings my movement, become a shadowy figure,
In your view I am looming, I have no care for your comments,
From the darkness arisen, in my position I’ll injure!"
If the goal of this was to be macabre then I think you failed.
The speaker says "Let me describe what I do" and then fails to do so.
About the only positive thing I can say is that the lines read fairly smooth.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.