Orca Strike

[ellajam]

Well done, I think your edit is a great improvement. I'm still confused at points.

First Edit

Piercing eyes are sounding deep This line stopped me, but in a good way.
Seals in shallows play
Timing waits a second beat
Fate strikes the match

Cutting, shearing through clear waters Do you need both cutting and shearing? I'm not getting the difference.
A swallowed scream cries . I'm undecided on how a swallowed scream cries. It's cut off?
Schools out, playing time Nice.
Richochet

Eyes now colder
Pulling deep
By tail teeth are no danger OK, here I'm confused. Eyes...tail is the orca, teeth... air is the leopard? Poet, please help me.
Swallows no air

It now flies
Through mirrored skies
Splash, rippling red
The leopard's dead I spent a while trying to figure out what a leopard was doing there before looking up leopard seals. Not your fault.

I think you may want to consider your punctuation. If you need commas, why not periods? I'm also curious as to how you feel capitalizing each line aids this poem. Good work here.

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ORIGINAL

I have read a little, so I'm just using this as a sounder, "If that is ok"? I will re edit my others later. Got a good start on my daughter's bedroom!

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Sounding deep
Shallows to play
Timing waits
Strikes the match

Cutting, shearing
Swallowed scream
Schools out
Ricochet

Piercing eyes
Pulling deep
By tail
Swallows no air

Now flies
Rippling red
Splash
It's dead