Against the Sea

[billy]

the language of the poem feels off and yoda-like
an example

A matriarch you so stubborn and strong
could be read as

you a matriarch so stubborn and strong
or
A matriarch stubborn and strong

go through the poem and see if you find anywhere else like that, try not to be to wordy make each line as coherent as you can

Like the cliff against the sea, you stood for an age strong in form
Withstood the tempest of life of the metal you were born
No superhero you of comic strip read
By boys so bold who got a clip round the head.

A matriarch you so stubborn and strong
Fought tooth and nail for your folk not yet born try not to repeat rhymes unless the form dictates it need be done.
Like your kith and your kin the likes we never may see lines like this don't read well.
Of Granite and diamonds and rocks such as thee.

Do we stand and wonder for you where to now
To the rock to the pebble and to dust under plough
The cliff may have crumbled and fallen to the sea
Washed up to the field to bear the fruit of the tree.

Your kind may die but lest we forget
Just one look at my kin, It’s not over yet.

personal shouldn't necessarily mean cliche. try and avoid it at all cost. then when you use it it will be aforethought