Against the Sea

[ellajam]

Hi, chrisgas, welcome.

I understood the poem from the first line. I think there is a lot of potential in that line. I like a lot of this.

You took a big bite here, maybe you should chew on it a bit. So many off the lines are so twisted for the sake of the rhyme. Maybe you could try to make sense of it without the rhymes, then work them back in. Thee? Nah.

You could look at the practice threads here and there is a great link to poetry tips on the home page. Yes, read more and figure out what works and why.

Good luck if you decide to stick with it.

Like the cliff against the sea, you stood for an age strong in form
Withstood the tempest of life of the metal you were born
No superhero you of comic strip read
By boys so bold who got a clip round the head.

A matriarch you so stubborn and strong
Fought tooth and nail for your folk not yet born
Like your kith and your kin the likes we never may see
Of Granite and diamonds and rocks such as thee.

Do we stand and wonder for you where to now
To the rock to the pebble and to dust under plough
The cliff may have crumbled and fallen to the sea
Washed up to the field to bear the fruit of the tree.

Your kind may die but lest we forget
Just one look at my kin, It’s not over yet.