The Roman Sonnet

[milo]

Note: (Follows traditional sonnet pattern but is 12 syllables per line instead of 10.)

Hello, name is L Oquence, this is only the 2nd poem I've wrote. I'm a rapper first and a poet second, so I tend to use a lot of multisyllabic rhyme schemes.

The Roman Sonnet

From humble beginnings, the mightiest rise.
Valiant. Vigour. Forest absent of cinder.
They all are so anxious to provide a demise.
Must learn the code of honour. Aim to die victors.

Rigourous diligence is tested and learned quick.
Soldiers called to Gaulle, and they are waiting for dark.
Vigilant generals, direct the emergence.
Soldiers do what they’re told, lest they face up to Mars.

Barbarians rise, and then the war trumpet calls.
Orcus has spoken now for those who oppose.
His judgement uncontested, and it’s trumping all.
Aquilo’s wind leaves the wild froze in their bones.

The lesson is learned, and it is tested; confirmed
Believe in the legion; lest you rest in an urn!

For the most part, I found the stuff of the poem (the poetry) pretty uninteresting but you could use the bones of it as a practice - an exercise of sorts to get the sonnet form down.

Let's consider some commonly accepted elements of a sonnet -

1. consistent rhyme scheme
2. consistent meter
3. lyric
4. problem/resolution structure
5. 14 lines

of these five elements, your poem has only the last.

so, where to start? It might be a good idea to start your journey by at least choosing a meter. After you have made your choice, some helpful pigpennien is bound to tell you where you have missed it.

Thank you for the feedback. I've only done minor research on sonnets. The main things I've found where the ab/ab rhyme scheme, 14 lines, ten syllables (which I openly altered). But I suppose that the topical part of the poem matters in this particular genre. I enjoy the 12 syllables, 14 lines structure I've come up with but I'll avoid referring to it as a sonnet from now on, thank you.
Also, I thought internals were separate from the ab/ab end rhyme scheme, which I provided? But I appreciate that.

As far as metre goes, I generally write to the 4/4 time of music, a habit I'll have to break out of as I transition to poetry, seeing as how poetry appears to follow the standard stressing of syllables in the English language and I can't twist words here as easily as I would in a song,

I'll have to learn about metre, iambic pentametre I've seen mentioned somewhere as the singy-songy basic metre. So I'll practice writing a poem in that.

the 4/4 beat of music is perfect to write sonnets to, it is iambic tetrameter. Unfortunately, when you sing, you will force syllables to fit the beats where they wouldn't naturally fall. Without the music, we are dependent on the words. Currently, there is no recognizable meter as it ambles precariously between anapaestic tetrameter and a metric mash. If you pick a meter I can show you how to jam this into it.