03-21-2014, 01:01 AM
It sounds like a poem. But the way it's written and what it's saying almost makes the subject feel trivial. And I doubt the subject is trivial. Given the context, I know it's not. But the poem has little context in itself, the content of the lines feels small because of the way you manipulate syntax to force the rhyme and meter. Much of it is ineffective for those reasons.
