03-18-2014, 12:33 PM
Hi,
Why “o’er”? For me it doesn’t fit well with the language of the rest of the poem. The punctuation seems quite random in some places and could probably use some tightening up. I don’t know if you meant grey as just the color grey or as something more, but either way, the image of sweat that “greys the skin” didn't work for me since sweat is transparent. Just a few thoughts.
- Louise
Why “o’er”? For me it doesn’t fit well with the language of the rest of the poem. The punctuation seems quite random in some places and could probably use some tightening up. I don’t know if you meant grey as just the color grey or as something more, but either way, the image of sweat that “greys the skin” didn't work for me since sweat is transparent. Just a few thoughts.
- Louise