03-16-2014, 10:31 PM
Gosh!
I feel rather like a marble in a marble run. Each verse drops me in, spins me around a bit, then shoots me out the side about half way through.
It could be that this a genius work of alienation, a masterpiece of anti-communication art installation, it certainly has a certain Jackson Pollock approach - words are thrown together in an apparent random fashion, and while at times the effect is rather good -
"I am soft sobs, bitterly woven
into a cocoon of salt and desperation
quietly petering out into relief
and silent self-absorbed reassurances"
Mostly it just sends me popping out the side, looking at the stanzas above and below to see if there is any clue as to what is happening, and why I should keep dropping the marble into the chute of the next stanza.
I didn't mind the sparse punctuation but I would have liked to see more options of sentence construction - as it stands, the freedom feels like an excuse, not an opportunity.
I feel rather like a marble in a marble run. Each verse drops me in, spins me around a bit, then shoots me out the side about half way through.
It could be that this a genius work of alienation, a masterpiece of anti-communication art installation, it certainly has a certain Jackson Pollock approach - words are thrown together in an apparent random fashion, and while at times the effect is rather good -
"I am soft sobs, bitterly woven
into a cocoon of salt and desperation
quietly petering out into relief
and silent self-absorbed reassurances"
Mostly it just sends me popping out the side, looking at the stanzas above and below to see if there is any clue as to what is happening, and why I should keep dropping the marble into the chute of the next stanza.
I didn't mind the sparse punctuation but I would have liked to see more options of sentence construction - as it stands, the freedom feels like an excuse, not an opportunity.