Waiting for Spring

[cidermaid]

Much to discern here. You have no idea how much this kind of critique helps me. Appreciate it. 100% negative critiques are pointless and a complete waste of time for both parties.

One point: Hawks "dance" solo to attract mates. They are not ravens. The Image is on purpose to match the narrator's sense of being alone during this slow change (see my above comments to Jeremy). I'm encouraged by your sense of "coldness"....That's what I want. We are almost in a state of weather purgatory here as we wait for winter to release its grip. Again, my thanks for both your time and your interest in writing.

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Hello again
Whilst I do generally try to offer encouragement, I perhaps need to clarify what I wrote, as you appear to have misunderstood or misinterpreted the feedback I offered. (You should note that I consider this to be my fault in that I have obviously failed to communicate the right message...rather than this being a fault in your camp to understand what I have written

So specifically to this poem and the feedback I offered, I was mentioning the aspect of the image as it spoke to me through the poem. I.e. what I picked up and what the poem spoke to me. As I said at the beginning the poem appealed to me, but because of a couple of the lines and images it was inaccessible to me.
In the case of the Hawk. We have hawks, buzzards and Ravens in Devon, UK, all of which undertake a mating display flight. Some of these fly solo, but with an audience. Thus it is not the sight of a lone bird in the sky...there is a second bird watching even if this is at a distance or from a tree. A lone bird without an audience is just a bird flying around by itself. In Devon we have many birds that have display flights, various hawks amongst these, that I am quite familiar with the habits of. (Of these I mentioned the Ravens and the Buzzards who mate for life and do a bonding flight together that is a very powerful image of spring for me - hence why I mentioned them in my feedback). The wording of your poem only suggested to me a lone bird flying as opposed to a spring time ritual / mating flight. I don't need to be familiar with what the local birds do near you. If you want the poem to be relatable it has to have a clear image; my critique was to the effect that, for this reader, the image was not quite working with what was supplied in the poem. So I didn't particularly appreciate your need to correct my lack of understanding or knowledge of wildlife behaviour.
As a Mod and on behalf of the others that have come under your inflexible attitude towards receiving feedback, I would add that your comment was un-necessary to the thread and showed a lack of grace or appreciation to those who give up their time for the benefit of others.

The other area that I feel you misunderstood was my comment on being left cold. I did not mean that I had taken an aspect or emotional response for coldness from the poem I rather mean that it had left me emotionless and had not impacted on me. I do not say this to be negative, but the time I took to write my thoughts out will not be of any benefit if they are misconstrued into something other than what I wrote. It was an opinion and nothing more. Just one person offering what they had taken from the words that had been placed into the public domain for consideration.

This is a polite suggestion for a bit of reflection from a Mod: I am generally considered the warm and fluffy Mod... I am new(ish) to poetry and have yet to think highly enough of myself to acquire an ego worth talking about... if your attitude has managed to ruffle my feathers, then I would imagine that you will be rapidly decreasing the list of people willing to take the time to offer you feedback with your current approach to receiving feedback.
There is nothing wrong per sae with offering an explanation on a line or even a whole poem, if life is getting confused between what is trying to be expressed and what is being read. I think this is a valid part of the feedback process; but nobody wants to be told they have read it wrong because the author says it must be read in a set way. That would seem to be the antithesis of true poetry.
This is a fun site... there is plenty of opportunity for handbags and rattle throwing, but within this everyone tries to play nice and be considerate to each other. A decent line by line crit might take as much as half an hour to put together. Life is too short to want to do this if the recipient is then ignorant with you. This is all said as just some friendly observations and advice from someone who is trying to help.


AJ.