03-12-2014, 11:30 AM
Hey kentucky,
I like your sentiment in the piece. I also enjoyed the surreal elements added in the later stanzas.
In addition to the comments others have said, I was a bit thrown off by the first few stanzas. They introduced a pattern (groupings of 4 short lines) that fell apart as the piece progressed; I think the poem could have a regular form if you wanted it to. They also had some rhyming words which could be carried throughout the piece if so desired.
thanks for sharing
-geoff
I like your sentiment in the piece. I also enjoyed the surreal elements added in the later stanzas.
In addition to the comments others have said, I was a bit thrown off by the first few stanzas. They introduced a pattern (groupings of 4 short lines) that fell apart as the piece progressed; I think the poem could have a regular form if you wanted it to. They also had some rhyming words which could be carried throughout the piece if so desired.
thanks for sharing
-geoff