03-12-2014, 12:41 AM
The poem has a nice feel of the Spring awakening, with the birds and animals chivvying winter away. The poem is almost the new year yawning, rubbing it's eyes, and looking around.
I wonder about of the first stanza, it's nice how the images run into each other, and match the description, but there is something about the word 'illusions'.... at first I thought it was 'fuzzy' that bothered me.... and maybe it is the 'z's of 'fuzzy', 'illusions' and 'edges' and I am just picking on the middle child. Of course it could just me a matter of accent.
The system section is very good, especially the use of the word 'kite' to reflect the hawk from earlier. I was a bit lost by the use of 'grasshopper men'.
The last stanza is the strongest. The setting sun growing stronger, it reining in the wind - very good. Would prefer 'V's of geese', more descriptive. I like the jolt of the word 'find' instead of recall/remember etc, it nicely emphasises the active search for spring occurring.
I wonder about of the first stanza, it's nice how the images run into each other, and match the description, but there is something about the word 'illusions'.... at first I thought it was 'fuzzy' that bothered me.... and maybe it is the 'z's of 'fuzzy', 'illusions' and 'edges' and I am just picking on the middle child. Of course it could just me a matter of accent.
The system section is very good, especially the use of the word 'kite' to reflect the hawk from earlier. I was a bit lost by the use of 'grasshopper men'.
The last stanza is the strongest. The setting sun growing stronger, it reining in the wind - very good. Would prefer 'V's of geese', more descriptive. I like the jolt of the word 'find' instead of recall/remember etc, it nicely emphasises the active search for spring occurring.