c'mon (NSFW)

[tectak]

ode to a facebook slut (think pink)



she was a pill head and/or a drunk.

but these days, who isn't?

I didn't know.

scratch that, I didn't care.

she looked like a thin drew barrymore. who wouldn't go out on that limb?

who wouldn't fuck her, you?

bullshit.

50 $ cab ride home.

bar bill none of your business.

(wish it wasn't mine)

chinese proverb: "May you live in interesting times"

I wonder if the chink philosophers were ever fucked up (drunk), and

scrubbed their cocks with an "eat me" thong that was lathered in water

and anti-bacterial soap while standing in a filthy bathroom sweating delusions

of chlamydia, crabs and HIV doing a pincer movement on their perineum,

and paranoid brains.

is that racist?

probably, but you are a PC pussy.

and I'z gots miiinz. belee dat.

I'm clean.

besides the pills and the drink, so is thin drew barrymore.

think I'll do her again (this time), no cab ride, no bar bill

or anti-bacterial soap.

booty call after work, set up by phone call or text.

no money, cheap date. or maybe just a cold hot dog

and a day old cup joe at the local choke and puke.

nobody talks like this anymore, split-tails, faggots

and weak men rule the world.

I am salvatore (sexy motherfucker)

bone up on your latin.

face down

skirt up

last call.

(behind a dirty dumpster)

rendezvous,

2 a.m.

Yes...this has problems. It is easy, facile even, to dismiss the whole piece as non-poetic garbage...but it does have a value in that it acts as an antidote to all that I, and others, in our own pontificating ways, like to crit. That is not to say it is beneath
contempt and should not be workshopped...until you read the responses of the writer. Defense is no way to improve...particularly when the work is indefensible by genre.
I have read this kind of stuff so often that even my critique is cliched. Look, what I am saying is this...you want to write poetry? Then carry on with this kind of stuff and be happy. You want to write good poetry? Then read more. The piece is so anal as to be sufficient unto itself...like looking at your own turds with pride before deciding not to flush so as to give someone else the viewing benefit.
To make this dia....er...diatribe have some value you need to take out the water to firm it up. As it is all the fibre is there but but you are confusing quantity with quality. Yes, I have heard it all before but I would still praise the piece if the execution was novel or the writer humble enough to accept critique. Thus far neither applies so why should we bother.
I am out of here.
tectak
PS If you want this moving to mild crit just say the word. On the other hand, leave it and set an example...its all for the good of poetry.