1984 Re-interpreted

[71degrees]

I'd have to read it a few more times, let it sink in some more, but my first impression is very nicely done. I hardly felt an "irk". Like that slice of French silk pie, a bittersweet and tender little slice of life, methinks.

That's all for now.

Okay. Thanks for the read.

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71d

"filled
your coffee mug like you
were a recovering alcoholic"

I think you need to use his instead of you. I wasn't there, but the way this was written it sounds as thought I were.
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I understand the connection to Julia, but it has been too long since I read "1984" to make much of a connection with this, as such I can't really comment on this. It is a nice descriptive scene. In some ways it reminds me of Camus.

Dale

See my response to Christopher Sea about POV. Thanks for the read.

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Hi 71,
She sounds delicious and I certainly would like a slice of that French silk pie as well! This is a great tale of the girl that got away, an experience we all have had in one form or another. Therefore, I understand addressing an audience by employing 'you'. However, with the exact time and date and final exam schedule given lends itself to a first person narration. The 'Lit finals' did not help me with my fantasy, but that is really my problem! Wonderful work, thanks for sharing Julia./Chris

I have written this poem in all POV's. I posted second person b/c I felt of the three, it emanated the aura I was after better than third person. First person would be my last choice but I do appreciate your comments very much. The "Lit. final (it should probably read singular) is there to help w/the 1984 connection but as time moves forward the book is becoming less and less relevant. In 1984 I can assure you, it was huge.

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The opening is beautiful, and rather sexy, with all those 's's leading to 'French silk'... not a criticism, more an observation, 'soft looking' can also mean stupid, as in 'soft in the head', which works just as well and doesn't change the attraction or the tension.

I like the way the description runs and runs without full stop

"she asked you
to hold your cup still up over
the pie;"
Combined with 'erotic orange' these lines really work. I especially like 'cup still up'. I am tempted joke, 'have you got it in yet?' but that would be childish, so I won't.

Holding breath, so as not to spoil the pie with coffee drips, I presume, combines nicely with the line about holding women.

It's been a very long time since I read 1984. I recall the love affair between Winston and Julia - which was surprisingly racey for it's time. I vaguely recall her passing messages - 'slid the piece of French silk pie'. And that in the end she denies him. Which is all present in the poem. Thus the use of Lit finals, as a metaphor for the rats in the cage, is both subtle and well judged.

And I also like,
"you wished there had been ways
to watch which way she had left"
Picking up the on surveillance state.

I don't think the last three lines are needed.

Thank you, I enjoyed it. Though I may need a cold shower

I like you don't like the last three lines. I had a different ending that I didn't like and re-wrote it to what is posted here. After your comments, I don't like them either. So maybe you're right…I should leave it off altogether.

Your comments are astute with respects to the novel and appreciated.