03-07-2014, 06:46 AM
The opening is beautiful, and rather sexy, with all those 's's leading to 'French silk'... not a criticism, more an observation, 'soft looking' can also mean stupid, as in 'soft in the head', which works just as well and doesn't change the attraction or the tension.
I like the way the description runs and runs without full stop
"she asked you
to hold your cup still up over
the pie;"
Combined with 'erotic orange' these lines really work. I especially like 'cup still up'. I am tempted joke, 'have you got it in yet?' but that would be childish, so I won't.
Holding breath, so as not to spoil the pie with coffee drips, I presume, combines nicely with the line about holding women.
It's been a very long time since I read 1984. I recall the love affair between Winston and Julia - which was surprisingly racey for it's time. I vaguely recall her passing messages - 'slid the piece of French silk pie'. And that in the end she denies him. Which is all present in the poem. Thus the use of Lit finals, as a metaphor for the rats in the cage, is both subtle and well judged.
And I also like,
"you wished there had been ways
to watch which way she had left"
Picking up the on surveillance state.
I don't think the last three lines are needed.
Thank you, I enjoyed it. Though I may need a cold shower
I like the way the description runs and runs without full stop
"she asked you
to hold your cup still up over
the pie;"
Combined with 'erotic orange' these lines really work. I especially like 'cup still up'. I am tempted joke, 'have you got it in yet?' but that would be childish, so I won't.
Holding breath, so as not to spoil the pie with coffee drips, I presume, combines nicely with the line about holding women.
It's been a very long time since I read 1984. I recall the love affair between Winston and Julia - which was surprisingly racey for it's time. I vaguely recall her passing messages - 'slid the piece of French silk pie'. And that in the end she denies him. Which is all present in the poem. Thus the use of Lit finals, as a metaphor for the rats in the cage, is both subtle and well judged.
And I also like,
"you wished there had been ways
to watch which way she had left"
Picking up the on surveillance state.
I don't think the last three lines are needed.
Thank you, I enjoyed it. Though I may need a cold shower