Transposon*

[Erthona]

jeremy,

Thanks for your comments. I'm afraid you pointed out an ambiguity I did not intend. When I wrote

"how pitiful our angry rants? "

I meant our rants against life in general, not when discussing the topic of science and religion. In other words if we are so insignificant, how pitiful it is when we blow our top because they got our order wrong at the drive through.

If you have a suggestion how that might be made more clear, let me know. i am fond of this little poem, and I would like to keep it around.

Dale
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Heslopian,

"I know this is really childish, but having arranged the line like this "come" takes on its sexual meaning, for me. I think it's just because of the great emphasis on it, whereas usually, in a non-sexual context, it seems to have a shorter foot ("come oh - ver here")."

Actually I'm OK with that pun, I mean the Bard had plenty of such, "tomorrow I shall be a grave man". I meant the poem to contain a certain amount of playfulness, or whimsy if you will, and although that pun was not intentional, I think I like it.I suspect the muse stuck that one in without me noticing (she does that sort of thing quite often).
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"The rhyme of "stuck" and "suck" feels incredibly forced, partly because "not stuck" sounds tortured and the last line suddenly veers into jokey informality. In fact, that last line is the couplet's biggest problem."

I agree it is somewhat clumsy, what about "in a singularity, we aren't stuck?"

"last line suddenly veers into jokey informality." That's true it does, but that was my intent. I'll be happy to discuss if it was a good choice, or if it achieved what I wanted, but it wasn't by accident. It's somewhat a page out of Aristotle, that is for drama to work well, it has to have to comedy in it. Plus if a college undergrad were thinking about this, that would probably be his response. I mean, if things had not turned out the way they did we would not exists. So that's my rationale for that, whether it is viable we can discuss further if you wish.
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Thanks for catching those two typos, I can't believe both got past me. One sure, but two, and in such a short poem.

Thanks again,

I always appreciate your thoughtful insight.

Dale
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Chris,

Thanks as always for your comments. As far as taking it further, I have probably pushed it as far as my limited knowledge of this can go. basically I stumbled across an article about this (which is where the original idea came from), and it interested me, so I did some light research so that I had a general grasp about what transposons are.It was more a vehicle to write about mankind's arrogance and sense of self importance, than to talk about junk DNA (mainly because I don't know enough to talk about that cogently. Plus there are too many diverse opinions on the subject, that it is difficult to separate the fly shit from the pepper.
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"Also, I realize this was meant to be humorous poem and not to be taken too seriously."

As it is about humanity, that is a subject that can never be taken very seriously.

Mankind is such a silly farce,
its greatest works but a fart.
In the greater scheme of things,
to this party it does nothing bring!

Thanks again,


Dale