03-06-2014, 01:04 PM
Hi. I've read this poem like 20 times. I guess that's a way of saying I like it. I don't know hardly anything about the academics of poetry, I just know what I like. As far as criticism goes, I have a hard time with that. But here goes...
I'm wondering if your two "And"(s) are necessary, especially the first one in the first stanza? I just really like...
in the last field before the railway lines...
...more than...
And, in the last field before the railway lines...
Can you believe all I've got is about an "and"? Actually, some other posters mentioned some other potentially beneficial criticisms, but most of them were about word choice, or some other technical thing.
What I really dig about your poem is the idea of it. You really seemed to know what you were after in this way. It showed. It effected me.
I think someday you will write this poem again, but in a different way. I think it will be great. (And) I really like this one mostly as it is. I dig the atmospherics you create early on, though some may have thought otherwise, thought it superfluous. Me not.
Anyway...I don't really much know what I'm saying.
Best to you.
I'm wondering if your two "And"(s) are necessary, especially the first one in the first stanza? I just really like...
in the last field before the railway lines...
...more than...
And, in the last field before the railway lines...
Can you believe all I've got is about an "and"? Actually, some other posters mentioned some other potentially beneficial criticisms, but most of them were about word choice, or some other technical thing.
What I really dig about your poem is the idea of it. You really seemed to know what you were after in this way. It showed. It effected me.
I think someday you will write this poem again, but in a different way. I think it will be great. (And) I really like this one mostly as it is. I dig the atmospherics you create early on, though some may have thought otherwise, thought it superfluous. Me not.
Anyway...I don't really much know what I'm saying.
Best to you.
You can't hate me more than I hate myself. I win.
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."