What Of

[geoff]

Hello fresample,

Here are some thoughts to consider:

On this rock hard earth in the hell of winter ..."rock hard earth" felt a bit redundant
In this rice white scenery with a flourishing blizzard ...why "with" a blizzard?
In this light
In her sight

...the stanza feels a bit forced. The imagery feels as though it is trying to be a bit too dramatic (e.g., the "rock hard earth" of the first line/ "hell of winter"). At the same time, while some images are given some fresh life (rice white), others ("hell of winter") don't really bring new ideas or ways of seeing things to the table

What of love when it harbors mistakes
What of this feeling when it defines ones fate
I know of love as I know of my past
I know that with each moment another has passed
Perhaps if autumn had been longer these moments could have lasted...punctuation could be your friend unless you have a reason for avoiding it. Some of these conclusions (with each...passed) lack novelty. The questions/ refrain ("What of love" ~ "what is love") feels reminiscent of a pop song; not saying this is an issue per se, but it is an association I couldn't help but note. However, what is holding back the stanza most for me is the abstractions; there is little to draw the reader into the speaker's experience. Phrases like "this feeling", which are not explicit, are going to keep a distance between the speaker and reader. I have no knowledge of the mistakes. The stanza ends without a conclusion; the "perhaps" may help define the mental state of the speaker, but also, again, keeps the poem away from concrete aspects and trapped in uncertainty

What of love when life is short
What of a home if one locks the door
I know of love just as I know of this house
I know each corridor better than I know my spouse
Perhaps this is why I find myself locked out
...this is the stanza where the rhymes felt most forced to me. The cause for me is the irregular rhythm and length between lines one and two. The complexity of the relationships becomes more apparent here. The "locked out" and the having better knowledge of the corridors than the spouse suggest infidelity or distance

The way she loves actually fixes people ....though explained a bit in line 2, I think the phrase "fixes people" is a little broad
With the way she loves one has no urge to speak of evil,
no patience to hear of evil,
no focus to see of evil ...this is the first stanza with punctuation and some more could even be used (if commas are here, why not elsewhere?) Another comma should go after "loves" in line two. The "of" in this line didn't quite fit for me; the "speak" and "hear" worked fine

The way I love actually frees people
With the way I love one has no regrets to plead before death...comma after "love". The conclusion reached in line 2 (and continued through line 4) is rather preachy with little demonstrations and a focus on hammering an idea onto the reader rather than letting conclusions be drawn and inferred
No needs, no wants
Satisfied, satiated, and certain
My love slowly but surely draws the curtain ..."slowly but surely" is a bit overused as a phrase; it does not contribute as much to the piece
I give a standing ovation each time as my love fades behind enemy lines ...I'm enjoying the contrast between the speaker and the lover.

With applause still high I now wonder, ...I didn't understand "applause still high"
If I loved her and she loved me,
Why couldn't her love fix my love's fragility ...couldn't her love fix people earlier? where is the fragility? yes, this is a poem about a struggle in a relationship, but I'm not seeing fragility, personally. If the speaker can get to know a house better than a person, I imagine this takes time..
What of love if it couldn't spare her from a beautiful tragedy ...again, the "beautiful tragedy" is cryptic enough to keep the distance between reader and speaker

On this ice soaked pavement during the birth of spring
In this biracial season where browns form greens
In this night
At her site
I revel in our love.

I'm not entirely sure of the scene. At times, I was envisioning visiting a grave, though the present tense in stanza 4 doesn't quite mesh. Other times, it felt more like a case of infidelity and an estranged couple.

I hope some of these thoughts may help you. Thanks for the read,

-geoff