03-06-2014, 10:33 AM
What I don't like first...
'suspicious' adds nothing to 'razor-blade wafers' - 'cloying', possibly? - the last two lines.
What I do like
saffron > crocus > stigma... vanilla > orchid > blackened pod
the 3rd stanza really sticks in the throat - and I hope the eggs aren't off in the raw pastry - really good.
Cyanide and almonds - nice use of the words 'rumours' and 'whispered' leading to 'message deficient;
Spot on with 'unsavoury is the confection' - good juxtaposition - and the honeyed contempt is good - it's just, half cooked mince pie words? It's more Ms Direction... plus the meter drops and it kind of fizzles away.
Excuse my additional 'u's....
'suspicious' adds nothing to 'razor-blade wafers' - 'cloying', possibly? - the last two lines.
What I do like
saffron > crocus > stigma... vanilla > orchid > blackened pod
the 3rd stanza really sticks in the throat - and I hope the eggs aren't off in the raw pastry - really good.
Cyanide and almonds - nice use of the words 'rumours' and 'whispered' leading to 'message deficient;
Spot on with 'unsavoury is the confection' - good juxtaposition - and the honeyed contempt is good - it's just, half cooked mince pie words? It's more Ms Direction... plus the meter drops and it kind of fizzles away.
Excuse my additional 'u's....