03-05-2014, 10:05 PM
Welcome to the site Jeremy,
This is a potent narrative and you have aptly captured the repulsion and brutality of the experience. I like the way you illustrate how childhood friends part on their divergent paths after adolescence.
You may want to nix the mixi and just substitute myxomatosis. To this scientist it would read fine. Alternatively, you could footnote it. I have encountered them many times in other poems. I feel the same way about the 4-10 standing alone for shotgun. More than one hare will be bogged down in these two mires.
Loved the closing similie and the poignant image/statement on crushed childhood dreams/symbols. I saw a gutted Easter Bunny and a bully-stomped sand-sculpture.
Nice work, cheers!/Chris
This is a potent narrative and you have aptly captured the repulsion and brutality of the experience. I like the way you illustrate how childhood friends part on their divergent paths after adolescence.
You may want to nix the mixi and just substitute myxomatosis. To this scientist it would read fine. Alternatively, you could footnote it. I have encountered them many times in other poems. I feel the same way about the 4-10 standing alone for shotgun. More than one hare will be bogged down in these two mires.
Loved the closing similie and the poignant image/statement on crushed childhood dreams/symbols. I saw a gutted Easter Bunny and a bully-stomped sand-sculpture.
Nice work, cheers!/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris