03-05-2014, 11:44 AM
dale
-thanks for reading and your thoughts. I've adjusted the apostrophe for "angel". I understand your comment about the bones, but being about creation to a degree I think I'll keep them in for the time being. Hopefully this cleans up some of the line breaks
tec
I've tried to adjust some of the line breaks, though I realize my writing often does not meet your standards in that area. I have removed the "as" and worked on the punctuation. I also worked on the close to create a smoother finish, though we'll see if it holds. thanks for your time.
chris
agreed with your comment on the caesura after skeleton. appreciate your kind words and connections. I've also trimmed the adjectives before vibrato. thanks for the feedback
jeremy
removed the possessive for "angel", but also removed stomach--struggled to make it work in a way that didn't feel forced to me. if the poem feel likes it needs more movement, I can play with that progression more. thanks for your thoughts
-thanks for reading and your thoughts. I've adjusted the apostrophe for "angel". I understand your comment about the bones, but being about creation to a degree I think I'll keep them in for the time being. Hopefully this cleans up some of the line breaks
tec
I've tried to adjust some of the line breaks, though I realize my writing often does not meet your standards in that area. I have removed the "as" and worked on the punctuation. I also worked on the close to create a smoother finish, though we'll see if it holds. thanks for your time.
chris
agreed with your comment on the caesura after skeleton. appreciate your kind words and connections. I've also trimmed the adjectives before vibrato. thanks for the feedback
jeremy
removed the possessive for "angel", but also removed stomach--struggled to make it work in a way that didn't feel forced to me. if the poem feel likes it needs more movement, I can play with that progression more. thanks for your thoughts