Angel Hair

[tectak]

Il Cuoco

As yolk soaks into flour,
dough blooms from enriched grain Unweildy. You using "as"to imply simultaneity...otherwise soaking yolks is most unlike blooming dough. So do you need "as"? I detect no meter or rhythm in the piece so its removal is inconsequential.
cupped in his powdered palms.

Fingers, caked with the bones of pasta,
shaped the skeleton—round on the butcher block
counter, flat under the rolling pin, this is a grammatical car crash.Commas are tossed about landing where they fall. The dash is slapped and adds nothing useful. Needs tidying up. Punctuate to clarity.

as fire hums blues to stainless steel; Very nice line.
a guttural, throaty vibrato whispered into steam.
Capellini is born under a bad sign,

a knife’s gentle kiss These pretentious stanza breaks are as irritating as they are unnecessary. How can you justify them?
separating each thin strand
of angel’s hair from the mass

before the boiling pot froths
under the weight of creation
stirring in its stomach. Again, conceptually worthy but reads like snakes and ladders played on as scrabble board. The lengthy sentence swings about and surges every which way looking for completion. This is me liking it .

Hi geoff,
I like the feel of this but it lacks the smooth, elastic texture of its subject matter...and that matters. The stanzas ( loosely described) are eccentrically split as though superstition forced you to continue with the nonsense for fear of dire consequences This happens to us all now and then...and you know it when you see it. No rewrite from me. Your poem.
Best,
tectak