Deftly, and Soon

[geoff]

Deftly, and Soon

You want to tell someone,
anyone about the snow—
how all day long it has drifted ... because of the "snow" and "it," these lines felt a bit redundant to me
down on your bird feeder,
the decorative milk can,
bare lilacs, piling up
like earth driven clouds—
the total pallor of snow
sky creating a white sheen
of stilled acceptance
noticed only once in a lifetime...some nice description in here, as others have noted. do you need the "in a lifetime"?

All afternoon you have wanted
to tell someone how ineffable
this moment has been ..."this moment" also felt slightly redundant what with everything that came before, making it more dramatic than I prefer

And you should do it deftly,
and soon, before that last ride
to the hospital ...enjoyed the close

Hello 71 degrees,

Some nice images here. The repetition of ideas through pronouns and things was a bit more than I like myself, but I enjoyed the read.

-geoff