Written On An Indian Train.

[TowMater]

I love geographic poems. I learn about the atmosphere of a place I've never been so much better in a poem. Really like the nod to the passing cities, even the religious reference.

I'll be upfront when I say I'm not a rhyme guy, especially a scheme better suited for children's lit so I'm out on a limb here when I say this would work better (for me, anyway) as a spoken word poem. It would also clear up any problems with a poem that has zippo punctuation except for a bit of comma usage that mysteriously appears in the the last two lines only. I do like the slowing of the train (indicated by stanza break)….brings the poem nicely to a conclusion.

Not sure why you would throw "cunt" into this poem??? Really don't see a need to turn off 60% of your readers for no reason (maybe it's Sunday morning and just me). Just don't care for certain words that are used totally out of context with the rest of the poem.

Thanks for posting. Interesting poem and interesting presentation. Good luck w/it.

I agree with all the points you made. The use of 'cunt' really threw me off and seemed completely out of place for the otherwise clean poem and tone. I'm not sure if it was purposelessly put there or is just a typo, but it shouldn't stay in my humble opinion.

Besides that though there were some great parts, especially those that utilized some of the poetic devices such as assonance:

"Before my eyes India flies
Every mile a new surprise"

and also alliteration:

"clitter and clatter" & "chatter"
"jungle junction"

Those really added another dimension to the poem, so job well done. I'm not necessarily a fan of this rhyming scheme either as it can sound a bit like a children's poem, but who am I to say if that was not the intent or you just like it better that way. Thanks for sharing.