03-02-2014, 04:16 PM
Seems like sort of a light treatment of one's mother's death. The only emotion was the sort of stab at "Gucci Prada dreams". The rest reads like a bad Hallmark card.
"withered red roses all covered in dew
the Hollywood sky a melancholy blue"
and unfortunately that is about the best lines in the piece as it does maintain the meter and does rhyme, and they seem so similar to "
roses are red, violets are blue" one almost expect the next line to fall in lockstep to that poem. And the obvious emotional device at the end
"now all.that remains
is a withered rose bouquet "
just seems cliche and melodramatic.
Dale
"withered red roses all covered in dew
the Hollywood sky a melancholy blue"
and unfortunately that is about the best lines in the piece as it does maintain the meter and does rhyme, and they seem so similar to "
roses are red, violets are blue" one almost expect the next line to fall in lockstep to that poem. And the obvious emotional device at the end
"now all.that remains
is a withered rose bouquet "
just seems cliche and melodramatic.
Dale
(03-02-2014, 04:16 PM)Erthona Wrote: Seems like sort of a light treatment of one's mother's death. The only emotion was the sort of stab at "Gucci Prada dreams". The rest reads like a bad Hallmark card.
"withered red roses all covered in dew
the Hollywood sky a melancholy blue"
and unfortunately that is about the best lines in the piece as it does maintain the meter and does rhyme, and they seem so similar to "
roses are red, violets are blue" one almost expect the next line to fall in lockstep to that poem. And the obvious emotional device at the end
"now all.that remains
is a withered rose bouquet "
just seems cliche and melodramatic.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.