< the universe >

[Erthona]

"i must be mindful of the time the rice is not forgiving" a slight ambiguity.
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possibly

i feel like rice
(like fields again)
or maybe corn

I don't quite why the field line is inserted between the two grains, it seems out of place, but at least drop the repetition of "I feel"
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or maybe corn
high stalks of corn
all lighted in a bluish light


Maybe

or maybe corn
high stalks (corn again is redundant)
lighted in a bluish light (all is implied)
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the dream again
a crash of car on car
a skull
a body
of
and out
and gone

maybe drop the articles, and the first "and", so it doesn't sound so much like a laundry list, and give it more immediacy?


the dream again:
crash of car on car
skull
body
off
out
and gone

of course some punctuation wouldn't hurt, as the lack of it does hurt.
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If I continued on it would just be more of the same. Too many unnecessary articles. Too much repetition:

"the red
the primal red
but red"

the dog
the hot dog
but dog


Just to much repetition.
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In terms of intent, the focus seems distorted, are you just describing a car wreck, or anger towards the "leaders" (whoever they are, as it is so loosely defined.

and here they come
our leaders now
explain what's needed now for us to hear
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That's my take anyway,

Dale