02-24-2014, 12:14 AM
This one was fun to read. =] Maybe this is part of the form, but I keep wanting to read "as THE snow is falling."
I'm not sure S1 L3-4 deserve a full stop at the end, not exactly a sentence.
The birds seem to be mentioned solely for the sake of "finch", and personally I think birds are overmentioned in the poetry around here anyway...
In S3 I understand that your boss has buried you and coworkers in work, and is happy you can't leave. Is that right? It could be phrased a bit clearer I think.
Just thoughts. =]
-justcloudy
I'm not sure S1 L3-4 deserve a full stop at the end, not exactly a sentence.
The birds seem to be mentioned solely for the sake of "finch", and personally I think birds are overmentioned in the poetry around here anyway...
In S3 I understand that your boss has buried you and coworkers in work, and is happy you can't leave. Is that right? It could be phrased a bit clearer I think.
Just thoughts. =]
-justcloudy
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.