Edit 1 Thoughts during a homeward crawl in Longtown

[tectak]

I dig this darker piece!

Some possible edits would be: to delete 'coggly', as it sounds awkward. I like, ‘that smells of fat brown trout.’ ‘swirls from choking lums’ make work better. Delete the space between like and demon's. Perhaps, just ‘I see your shining blade for me. (delete the ellipsis and make it a statement instead of a question. ‘I warn you I shall gouge your eyes out.’ (suck is strange) What about, ‘When the dampness enters in to chill the thoughts that comfort me, I shall dream in to my ben'

This is a fine whiskey apparition Mr. Scrouge! See if any of these suggestions help you with your next edit. Cheers/Chris

Thanks Chris,
Your perspicacity is showing beneath your reverential garbs!
"Coggly", a real word,is the closest the Scottish get to descriptive onomatopoea, although the language is rich verby percussives. The cobbles WERE awkward!
The " ...swirls from choking lums" I considered, but 'tis the smoke that chokes and the lums that smoke and the smoke that swirls so there is a place for everything and everything is in its place.
Couldn't see the extra space??
I agree about the strangeness of sucking out eyes,but couldn't think of anything more horrifyingly threatening that hadn't been said before. Nonetheless, point taken.
Finally, dreaming in to my ben would be hugely interpreted by those good'ol boys across the pond...or by one, anyway
Work in progress!
Best,
tectak