Gratification

[Alex13]

I think there are psychological aspects of masochism that should be explored, even more so than the physical ones, but they have nothing to do with love, and I don't think that is clear in your writing. Love is something other than you getting what you need to get off sexually, nor is letting someone abuse you a form of demonstrating your love to them. If there is love to begin with and pleasuring each other this way is part of that, then it may be said to be done out of love, although I have a hard time imaging a sadist as anything but a manipulative control freak, and certainly not given to love. Love seems the antithesis of a sadist. I can see where a masochism could mistake giving themselves to someone to be abused as love, but in reality they are not physically a masochism as they do not get off sexually to the pain. Their love experience is all mental, and a demonstration to themselves and the other that they are willing to endure whatever they need to for their love. Yet still, I would be dubious to call that love either.

Of course to my mind many people call many things "love", but if you really look at the dynamics it turns out to be something else, such as a man with a trophy wife, he does not love her, she is merely a reflection of his ego, and so it is really a form of narcissism. Most things that people call love are like this. Love is a mutual reciprocation of concern for the welfare of the beloved (the other person). It can involve sex as an expression of that love, but the love exists apart from sex, and is not kindled by it, that is simply lust and fades as the novelty wears off. This is why in a sadomasochistic relationship things generally become more extreme as a way to keep at least the sadist interested.

But of course you may characterize it as you will, most people do. I would simply suggest you state as though you feel you are in love rather than state it as a fact, as that might make it seem more genuine. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to say I know how you feel, I am saying this is what makes sense in this type of relationship. I only go this far since you asked.

Best,

Dale

I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond to me in the way that you did. I very much need to go back to the basics with this piece and breakdown exactly what it is I am trying to convey. I always want my work to be genuine, I will take my time with this.

Again, thank you so much.