02-21-2014, 11:56 PM
You might as well be half his age
for all you know
about life
and Kont
and Nietzche
or whatever the fuck it is
don’t wrap yourself up in him that way
why are you trying to end your life
before it's even begun?
The first part seems all right. It sounds like the way someone would talk. The two names could be in italics, unless you think that messes up the program of italicizing you have going on with half. It could work like you have it, or you could say: or however you say it. Something like that. The why are you trying to end your life line isn't all that good.
You don’t need to ‘make it’
some equational bullshit combination
of your college sweetheart
and two-point-six or so squalling messes
and an oven that never stops
You don’t even like to bake
that’s how full of shit you are
are you that afraid no one wants you?
that you’ll never love again?
Those two stanzas almost come out all right. The make it and the lack of punctuation make the equation confusing in a good way. But that's what I say. Others probably won't think that, including you.
You are fire
and he is only the first
so if he tries to drown you
let him burn
and go on
The last stanza seems like something the person speaking this poem might say, but altogether there isn't much to it.
And if people want chats in the Pig's Arse like the Reply above suggests, that's not my fault.
for all you know
about life
and Kont
and Nietzche
or whatever the fuck it is
don’t wrap yourself up in him that way
why are you trying to end your life
before it's even begun?
The first part seems all right. It sounds like the way someone would talk. The two names could be in italics, unless you think that messes up the program of italicizing you have going on with half. It could work like you have it, or you could say: or however you say it. Something like that. The why are you trying to end your life line isn't all that good.
You don’t need to ‘make it’
some equational bullshit combination
of your college sweetheart
and two-point-six or so squalling messes
and an oven that never stops
You don’t even like to bake
that’s how full of shit you are
are you that afraid no one wants you?
that you’ll never love again?
Those two stanzas almost come out all right. The make it and the lack of punctuation make the equation confusing in a good way. But that's what I say. Others probably won't think that, including you.
You are fire
and he is only the first
so if he tries to drown you
let him burn
and go on
The last stanza seems like something the person speaking this poem might say, but altogether there isn't much to it.
And if people want chats in the Pig's Arse like the Reply above suggests, that's not my fault.