On Break

[fresample]

It's been a mere twenty minutes on this slow and painful day,
While the clock undwinds torture, and fails to fade away. [period here and no where else. why?]

Surrounded by food, but not in the mood-- [dashes = mean?]
My pocket's starving too, you see

Until I learn a skilled trade [no punctuation here, typo?]
Exchanging blood for gasoline

The puctuation is interesting, I can't tell if it's intentially emphasizing parts, which affects how I read the poem. If it's consistent throughout then I could probably catch on and recognize a style, but if it's sporadic it may hinder my understanding of the poem (confuse me ).

This poem seems like it's an excerpt in that there's more to it. The poem intensifies at each line, becoming more thought provoking and providing an image of a person. I think you could take this poem further. I like where it is and I'd like to see what more can come of it.