02-20-2014, 10:44 PM
I dig this darker piece!
Some possible edits would be: to delete 'coggly', as it sounds awkward. I like, ‘that smells of fat brown trout.’ ‘swirls from choking lums’ may work better. Delete the space between like and demon's. Perhaps, just ‘I see your shining blade for me.' (delete the ellipsis and make it a statement instead of a question. ‘I warn you I shall gouge your eyes out.’ (suck is strange) What about, ‘When the dampness enters in to chill the thoughts that comfort me, I shall dream in to my ben'
This is a fine whiskey apparition Mr. Scrouge! See if any of these suggestions help you with your next edit. Cheers/Chris
Some possible edits would be: to delete 'coggly', as it sounds awkward. I like, ‘that smells of fat brown trout.’ ‘swirls from choking lums’ may work better. Delete the space between like and demon's. Perhaps, just ‘I see your shining blade for me.' (delete the ellipsis and make it a statement instead of a question. ‘I warn you I shall gouge your eyes out.’ (suck is strange) What about, ‘When the dampness enters in to chill the thoughts that comfort me, I shall dream in to my ben'
This is a fine whiskey apparition Mr. Scrouge! See if any of these suggestions help you with your next edit. Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris