Sparrow's Flight

[ChristopherSea]

You do have a strong central metaphor, but the poem is quite verbose. There is a great deal of 'filler' that could be cleared from your forest. Sentences opening with 'Harken', 'Behold', Ah my, Oh my, etc., come off archaic. Many lines have reversals, creating an odd syntax to set up rhymes. It sings somewhat like some Victorian verse, but it flies more like an albatross than a sparrow. Nonetheless, I do see a good poem herein with some heavy pruning and editing. Good luck with it. Cheers/Chris