Edit 1 Thoughts during a homeward crawl in Longtown

[tectak]

not much to say on this one tom. there feels to be a couple of weakish spots but i'm putting that down to the syl count (i'm not sure if people call it accentual something or others) the last stanza was an excellent close

wish i could have been more helpful.

Rain on me while I walk back home
on humped and coggly cobbled streets
until I breathe a rhythm rare,
a funeral march, a half-step here,
a long step there.

Blow wind, that smells of fat brown trout, as an ex fly fisherman, i can honestly say i've never smelled brown trout unless they're cooked. yet it does set up an air of freshness
from river water risen high;
enough to drown me where I stand.
I make the voice inside me scream,
“Lord, show me land”

Dark smoke swirls choking from high lums are they from the lums or below, (presuming lums is lights)
that spume out sprites like demon’s eyes.
I burst into a fuming pyre
from just one spark upon my breath
that catches fire.

Who moves there in the midden depths? i keep wanting to say midden's depth
I see your shining blade…for me? this and the next lines feel to be pretty weak
Come then, engage me, let us fight!
I warn you I shall suck your eyes
and steal your sight.

And then the dampness enters in
to chill the thoughts that comfort me
until I dream in to my ben
where blood is gold, and whisky ink
to fill my pen. i really like the last stanza, there's a calmness to it that only comes from a bottle.

Tectak
1995

Thanks for this, billy. I am workshopping this one. You NEVER smelled a just caught trout? Mud,grass,earth,moss....just so damn natural. Try it...sniff a trout TODAY!
See my reply to Dale for scottish words!
Best,
Tom