02-20-2014, 06:37 AM
It's been a mere twenty minutes on this slow and painful day,
While the clock undwinds torture, and fails to fade away.
You want that d in there?
Surrounded by food, but not in the mood--
My pocket's starving too, you see
you see is sometimes a filler line. It's not for a rhyme, at least not directly. Unless maybe it is. But, anyway, it's not terrible being there like you have it, not terrible.
Until I learn a skilled trade
Exchanging blood for gasoline
The last two lines are interesting. On their own they're not much, and the poem as a whole isn't much. It presents good ideas for a poem, with little substance.
While the clock undwinds torture, and fails to fade away.
You want that d in there?
Surrounded by food, but not in the mood--
My pocket's starving too, you see
you see is sometimes a filler line. It's not for a rhyme, at least not directly. Unless maybe it is. But, anyway, it's not terrible being there like you have it, not terrible.
Until I learn a skilled trade
Exchanging blood for gasoline
The last two lines are interesting. On their own they're not much, and the poem as a whole isn't much. It presents good ideas for a poem, with little substance.